Healing in Relationships: How Therapy Can Help Couples Communicate Better
- Cari McIntosh
- Jul 16, 2025
- 3 min read
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines communication as "a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behaviour”. Language is one of those systems we use to exchange information, share our thoughts and feelings and views. Language is our speech, written words and gestures. This is how we communicate love, safety and boundaries, essential for every love relationship. Listening is a fundamental communication skill; it's how we learn to communicate in the first place.
The Different Pieces To Communication
Listening: Are you actively listening to understand, help build the relationship, and increase collaboration and empathy? Understanding and connection?
Speech: What choice of words do you use with your loved one? What is the tone of your voice? Intensity, hesitation, volume, repetition?
Written Words: What do your texts between one another look like, feel like? Any love letters or notes?
Gestures and Body Language: This includes our physical behaviours, how we express and move our body to communicate nonverbally. What gestures do you make? What is your posture, how much eye contact do you make? These can all send strong messages to your loved one.
Does Your Communication Style Need Improvement?
Ask yourself: how do you connect and engage with each other? How do you communicate love, trust, and understanding?
Therapy is a safe space to explore language and ways of communicating with each other in more healthy ways. Couple’s counselling is not only helpful in distressing times, but also very helpful for maintenance and support in general of your loving relationships.
There are three resources below to get you started, helping you become more aware of how you communicate in your relationships and adapting as you learn.
The Four Horsemen: In couple’s therapy this can be examined more closely to see if any of these unhealthy ways of communicating are showing up in your relationship. These 4 horsemen can erode relationship connection and feelings of safety (in any kind of relationship).
Are the Four Horsemen of Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, or Contempt showing up in the way you speak to one another?
Bids of Connection: John Gottman refers to this as the “fundamental unit of emotional connection.” Bids of connection are any gestures between two people that signal a need for attention and connection. Bids can be verbally or nonverbally communicated and include things such as asking for physical affection, help with something, or sharing a piece of your day with your partner. Do you turn towards your loved one, or away when they are bidding for connection? What are you communicating when you don’t give your attention to your loved one?
Listening: Active listening involves presence, empathy, and genuine engagement with your language. Being present with each other and your emotions, turning towards your loved one, and truly connecting with your loved one. Are you a good listener?
Our connections to those we love are extremely important. Communication is key to connection. How will you connect today with your loved one?
If Extra Communication Help Is Needed
Needing extra supports in your love relationships? Our Balance team member, Cari McIntosh, is a trained Couples Therapist in the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy Level I & II and is ready to support you.
Whether you are wanting couples counselling or individual counselling to better support your love relationships, reach out today!
Related Posts
If you found this blog post helpful, considering checking out these other posts...
Understanding Your Emotions: The Emotion Volcano and The Feelings Wheel https://www.balancepsychservices.ca/post/understanding-your-emotions-the-emotion-volcano-and-the-feelings-wheel
Common Communication Barriers for Couples https://www.balancepsychservices.ca/post/common-communication-barriers-for-couples
Blended Family? How a White Picket Fence Can Help You
About Balance Psychological Services
Balance Psychological Services is a psychological private practice aimed toward healing, growth, and balance. Our mission is to ensure that every person who walks through our doors feels seen and accepted for exactly who they are, no matter the circumstances they are facing. With offices conveniently located in Stony Plain, Edmonton, and Beaumont, we are here and ready to help you find your balance. Book an appointment today.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Balance Psychological Services' blog posts is meant for educational purposes only. This is NOT medical or mental health advice. If you are seeking mental health advice, please contact us directly at (587) 985-3132.
