Self- confidence has been compared to a lamp. Having it can help someone see clearer and navigate through obstacles and not having it can make us feel like we are stumbling around in the dark. But how does one actually get self- confidence?
Honestly, there is no "quick fix" for getting confidence but here are 5 tips that can help you on your journey toward that goal.
What are you putting on yourself that doesn't fit and is sabotaging your self-confidence?
We have all had the experience of trying on an outfit and having it not fit. Maybe it was too tight, or too loose, or the sleeves were too short. Whatever it was, it just did not fit.
This can happen in our mental lives as well. Sometimes we put expectations on ourselves that just don’t fit. These can be things like pressure to look a certain way, have a certain job, or lifestyle. However, nothing is one size fits all and trying to fit ourselves into categories that just don’t work for us is a sure way to feel like we aren’t measuring up.
Find Your Niche To Boost Self-Confidence
The flip side of this is finding out what does fit. Once we stop looking for fulfilment in the areas that don’t fit, we can focus on the areas that do.
Part of being confident is finding what works for you and doing more of that. Sometimes this can be hard because we are so familiar with our strengths that we forget how awesome they are. The more we can find environments that support our strengths, the easier it is to recognize and be confident in our abilities. This can make it easier to learn new transferable skills that can help us when we have to navigate challenging situations.
Recognize Your Weaknesses And Own Them
One of most overlooked parts of confidence is recognizing weaknesses. We all have weaknesses and pretending they don’t exist only instills a fragile sense of confidence that can easily be broken.
Being confident is not about being perfect. It's about acknowledging our weaknesses and figuring out how to work within them. People are complex and, in that complexity, there are areas of both strength and weakness. Part of being confident is being able to accept that both sides exist and that is ok.
Live According To Your Values
This brings us to the next point - if we base our confidence solely on what we can do, then we are setting ourselves up for failure. We will all have a bad day or make a mistake at some point in our lives. If our self-confidence is based on performance, we are going to be devastated if we don't do as well as we had hoped.
One way to get off this precarious performance-based rollercoaster is to use our values as one of the things we root our confidence in. For example, rather than someone feeling bad about themselves because they did not do well on a test, they can ask themselves if their actions leading up to the test were in line with their values. By basing confidence in values rather than performance we can introduce more context into situations.
Be Kind To Yourself
Many people would be horrified if someone else spoke to them the way they speak to themselves. It may not seem like it matters, but negative self talk affects how we perceive situations and how we view ourself.
The first step to changing negative self talk is noticing when you are doing it. After that you can ask why. Are you using negative self talk to try and not make mistakes, or to protect yourself from someone else’s criticism, or to confirm your own beliefs about yourself? Figuring out the why of negative self- talk can help us figure out what the next step is.
Maybe instead of positive self- talk you can strive for neutral self -talk. Maybe you can create a personal motto that can be used to combat negative self-talk or you consider what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Whatever strategy you use, working on negative self- talk will help immensely with self- confidence.
Building new patterns and becoming confident is like learning a new language and culture - it can happen, but it will not happen overnight. As you continue to work on your self- confidence, notice when you make progress and celebrate successes. You’ve got this.
About Balance Psychological Services
Balance Psychological Services is a psychological private practice aimed toward healing, growth, and balance. Our mission is to ensure that every person who walks through our doors feels seen and accepted for exactly who they are, no matter the circumstances they are facing. With offices conveniently located in Stony Plain, Edmonton, and Beaumont, we are here and ready to help you find your balance.
Disclaimer
Information provided through Balance Psychological Services' blog posts is meant for educational purposes only. This is NOT medical or mental health advice. If you are seeking mental health advice, please contact us directly at (587) 985-3132.