Resilience: The Strength that Grows in the Dark

Redefining Resilience Beyond “Being Strong”

Resilience means many things to most folks, including me. For a long time, I thought it meant being strong, being fine, being the one who keeps going no matter what.

But I’ve learned through adversity that resilience is usually quieter than that. It looks like letting people in. It looks like telling the truth about what hurts. It looks like unlearning old survival strategies so you can make room for something gentler. Following multiple significant losses and a separation from my husband in 2019, I have truthfully never felt the same.

When Life Shifts: Personal Experiences That Reshape Resilience

My entire system was rocked (internally and externally) and I moved through the world in a haze. The cloud of grief was dense. It wrapped around everything. Showing up for work as a junior-high teacher felt impossible, and being honest about the depth of my grief felt even harder.

Grief, Loss, and the Unseen Weight We Carry

In my small community, I couldn’t escape the pitying eyes, the well-meaning grocery-store check-ins about the worst moments of my life, the nervous energy of people who loved me but didn’t know how to stand near my pain.

Everywhere I went, I felt exposed, raw, and disconnected from who I used to be.

The Power of Support Systems in Rebuilding Strength

And, I was lucky.

I had, and still have, a strong, steady support system. Every day, my friends and family showed up: long nature walks, warm meals, soft places to land, conversations that felt like breaths of fresh air when I couldn’t find oxygen anywhere else.

The Slow, Human Process of Growing Resilience

I found a good therapist, who truly saw and knew me, and provided so much space for me to heal, learn, and grow. Slowly, my capacity grew. My plate expanded. I noticed the glimmers.

I became stronger, not in a triumphant, dramatic way, but in the slow, human way that healing usually unfolds.

Healing Through Connection, Therapy, and Compassion

The backpack didn’t get lighter, but my strength grew to carry all I was holding, with each vulnerable conversation with loved ones, therapy session, nature walk, yoga class, and dog snuggle.

Something that was probably the most unexpected was my gratitude. Gratitude not for the losses and trauma, but for the lessons they taught me, including how to dig deep, lean on my people, have compassion for myself, notice my expanded empathy for others, and look for the glimmers in all the little moments that add up to so much.

What Resilience Looks Like in the Therapy Room

What you’re probably expecting me to say is that resilience is overcoming adversity. And while yes, by definition it is…it’s so much more than that. It’s not glamorous, not linear, and not clean. It’s also inspiring, expansive, and connective.

Resilience doesn’t just show up in the big transformations. In my own life, resilience has appeared in countless forms: the moments I’ve had to dig deeper than I ever thought possible, the heartbreaks that demanded every ounce of strength I had, and the small, quiet choices that kept me moving when everything felt unbearably heavy.

Everyday Moments That Reveal Resilience

It’s the same in my therapy room. I’m humbled to witness resilience in so many shapes: the courage to face a trauma or loss, the slow rebuilding in the years that follow, the learning of coping skills and self-compassion, the navigation of daily anxieties and pressures. Sometimes it looks like reconnecting with an inner child who has been waiting decades to be held.

Understanding Resilience as Integration, Not Perfection

Resilience truly comes in many forms and many sizes. Because when we experience the hardest parts of our lives — whether the long-lasting effects of attachment wounds or childhood trauma, the losses that crash into us without warning, or the experiences we saw coming but should never have had to endure — we learn what resilience actually is.

It’s the distance between impact and integration, the quiet terrain where we make choices, reach for supports, and learn how to live inside our own bodies again.

Therapeutic Approaches That Support Resilience

Of course, therapy is a huge help along the journey.

Resilience is supported by so many approaches: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps you choose what matters even in hard moments; self-compassion softens, invites non-judgment and self-kindness; mindfulness brings you back to the present; Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) eases the sting of old pain and invites protection, nurturing, and wisdom to the parts who needed it most; Hakomi invites curious exploration of long-held beliefs; Somatics teaches you to listen to your body; and attunement through Attachment-Focused methods let you feel truly seen, heard, and supported.

The Vulnerability Required for Resilience

Together, these practices create steadiness, choice, and connection — the quiet foundations of resilience.

Asking for Help, Letting Go, and Rebuilding

Being resilient often means being vulnerable. Asking for help. Digging into the dark, uncomfortable places you’ve avoided. Letting yourself feel things you spent months or years trying not to.

Sometimes it’s holding yourself together by a thread. Sometimes it’s falling apart on purpose so you can rebuild honestly. Sometimes it’s responding somatically to what your system can no longer hold. Sometimes it’s simply naming the truth out loud for the first time.

And then, we notice the light. The growth, the gratitude, the glimmer…the steady strength that reminds us we can do hard things.

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What is Mindfulness and How Do We Practice It? https://www.balancepsychservices.ca/post/mindfulness-what-is-it

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Disclaimer

Information provided through Balance Psychological Services' blog posts is meant for educational purposes only. This is NOT medical or mental health advice. If you are seeking mental health advice, please contact us directly at (587) 985-3132.